comatose boy

i'm heaving
gasping
and this feline cat of mine
keeps purring me awake
"comatose boy please wake up"
i always said i had the blues
but to think i was a huge screen of death
check your operating systems
i was the trojan
and this binary point of view
keeps me between let's
and let's not
and right now
i'm not winning
so i guess i kind of am
funny ain't it
i'm my own worst enemy
send my best regards from hell
cause this poor kid never knew better
than to try and code his way out of life
but i'm not a programmer
i'm not a designer
i'm the alpha
i was meant to make mistakes
but i was meant to be thrown away
control alt delete me
you'll need to force quit me
send me back from the tubes that brought me here
i need to live or i need to die
but the effort to do one is gone
i'll lay in bed until my problems fade away
so waste away with me
or let me rot
cause this comatose boy
is going back to sleep
forevermore until i'm not

started from the bottom

we're back at the start
two steps back every time
i said i had heartbreak coded dna
but i never thought this genetic defect
was passed down from the stems of the leaves
of the tree of the family that's been broken down
and yet i am to blame
"blood on the leaves"
my biological composition is the new prison complex
the new outbreak
and i am the carrier
patient zero
i'm going to set the world aflame
and i'll break every heart that's in my way
and it won't be even be intentional
it's just how i was made
my wiring is awry and the bomb squad is far too late
i time bomb
i'm going away
i wanted a hollywood suicide
but i guess my dreams will outlive my love
so dissolve me and drink me with a pill
cause i'm the heart of all that's wrong
and i've never known better but to live
i am just roadkill on the street

Felix Baumgartner

someday at sometime in someway
i'm tired of wasting my life
i bleed out crimson moons every morning
and i don't really like alcohol
hence it's my best friend
and my hummingbird heart
is more of a seismometer
but richter didn't see this magnitude coming
tokyo and chile and haiti aren't shit compared to me
i can't even write
i don't anymore
why would i
i'm fine
or so therapy says
am i really just a hypochondriac
or is there a reason behind every night
for these pills
or
when i wake up into a panic attack
so now
i thank god or the big bang or whatever
every day for her
cause when she breathes on my chest and or covers the screen
or when i sneeze cause her hair falls on my face
or she asks me to stay even when i yell
she's my parachute heart
cause when i took this leap of faith
she stared at me
and said
"meet you down there"