comatose boy

i'm heaving
gasping
and this feline cat of mine
keeps purring me awake
"comatose boy please wake up"
i always said i had the blues
but to think i was a huge screen of death
check your operating systems
i was the trojan
and this binary point of view
keeps me between let's
and let's not
and right now
i'm not winning
so i guess i kind of am
funny ain't it
i'm my own worst enemy
send my best regards from hell
cause this poor kid never knew better
than to try and code his way out of life
but i'm not a programmer
i'm not a designer
i'm the alpha
i was meant to make mistakes
but i was meant to be thrown away
control alt delete me
you'll need to force quit me
send me back from the tubes that brought me here
i need to live or i need to die
but the effort to do one is gone
i'll lay in bed until my problems fade away
so waste away with me
or let me rot
cause this comatose boy
is going back to sleep
forevermore until i'm not

started from the bottom

we're back at the start
two steps back every time
i said i had heartbreak coded dna
but i never thought this genetic defect
was passed down from the stems of the leaves
of the tree of the family that's been broken down
and yet i am to blame
"blood on the leaves"
my biological composition is the new prison complex
the new outbreak
and i am the carrier
patient zero
i'm going to set the world aflame
and i'll break every heart that's in my way
and it won't be even be intentional
it's just how i was made
my wiring is awry and the bomb squad is far too late
i time bomb
i'm going away
i wanted a hollywood suicide
but i guess my dreams will outlive my love
so dissolve me and drink me with a pill
cause i'm the heart of all that's wrong
and i've never known better but to live
i am just roadkill on the street

Felix Baumgartner

someday at sometime in someway
i'm tired of wasting my life
i bleed out crimson moons every morning
and i don't really like alcohol
hence it's my best friend
and my hummingbird heart
is more of a seismometer
but richter didn't see this magnitude coming
tokyo and chile and haiti aren't shit compared to me
i can't even write
i don't anymore
why would i
i'm fine
or so therapy says
am i really just a hypochondriac
or is there a reason behind every night
for these pills
or
when i wake up into a panic attack
so now
i thank god or the big bang or whatever
every day for her
cause when she breathes on my chest and or covers the screen
or when i sneeze cause her hair falls on my face
or she asks me to stay even when i yell
she's my parachute heart
cause when i took this leap of faith
she stared at me
and said
"meet you down there"

stay tragic

i've written my first song in months
and it's about you
but i won't tell you
(cause you'll know)
when you hear it
and i can't seem to spell
and i keep pressing return
line breaks are more like you and me
anyway
(i wonder how many times i've typed that word)
my heart's not broken
my A/C is though
and these hot summers are going to melt my kingdom
but my friend lives in california
so i shouldn't complain
he always asks me to visit
but USC is so far away
besides he can't hold his liquor
i'd destroy that university if i went
like this place is a ghost town
and i'm the lead
"which man should i kill first?"
she said she liked that new fall out boy song
only cause it reminded her of me

"you've always said people liked you better when you were broken. you should claim royalties"
"that's because mr. hyde is a poet"
"i love the poet. or am i in love with the poet?"

hands shaking but hips docked
if his tongue was a rudder your ship would've sunk
i know i did
goddamn all the ivy leagues
my love is the state university of love
woo pig sooie
but i don't have an accent
and besides, chicago has always been my favorite town
i said i was ready to start writing again
but i don't want you in my voice anymore
you're already behind my eyelids
and i'm the bubble of air travelling
up your aorta
you should always check your needles before you let them in
(i said i was a bad man)
but every girl wants a bad boy
but love couldn't save me
what made you think you stood a chance
but you're the scab i love to pick the most
if i don't see bleeding then it's not worth
anything
"waste the time of my life"
you say you love me
but you know you lie
and you say i'm cynical
though i like the definition much better in spanish cause
it fits you best
anyway 
i write to get this out somewhere
someplace
and this might not be poetry
but this is the closest to a diary that i'll ever get
so i'll carve these words online
so i never forget
how much you broke me
and how i hate myself for it

the harbinger

and as she stroked my back
with her finger tips
kissing my neck
her fingers buried themselves deep within
so i peeled back her eyelids
and pushed the white light through
and her whispers faded into fumes
of the menthols
traversing back out
with her moans
and she pulled me closer
but i never felt more dissociated
as i did when the bow
or the arch
of her back
screeched through my heart strings
to the tune of "fuck me"
as she came and laid by my side
now, i'm not vexed
but i'm not in love
and i've never been more lonely
as i did
when she kissed me in the dark

if i had a penny

"there's someone for everyone"

or so they say

but love couldn't save you

and i never stood a chance
anyway

bury me under gravity

there's no country for lovers

chained to razorblades 

and you don't carve my moods anymore

if only you saw how you get me

babe

my dear

in headlights

wanted runaway

when our spolights don't overlap

i'm in the dark with our shell game

leave me out in the cold but

my headache heart heats up to flames
ragnarok to love
i said i loved you most
but then you went away

"it's not me, it's you"

oh

binary love

"_________ is typing..."
"seen: 7:48 pm"
"_________ is typing..."
"seen: 7:48 pm"
blank
"you turned off chat for ________ but you can still send her a message"
"turn on chat for ________?"

 writetomewritetomewritetome

-hey

-hi

-hey!

-hey

-helloo

delete

"seen: 7:48 pm"

goddammit

-how was your trip?

-hey, how was your trip?

-hey, how are you?

-hey!

-hey

-how was your trip

-how are you

delete

"seen: 7:48 pm"

-hey, i hope your trip went well. it's good they paid for your expenses when your flight got delayed. it seems you really liked that university. i missed talking to you, we should've skyped when you had a better connection at the dorm. you seemed to have a great time. i saw you friended a lot of people from the uni. most are guys, though. hm...... haha, i'm joking. anyways, i was just writing to say i miss you, and i love you.

cringe

delete

-will you still love me when you move?

whatamidoing

backspace

"seen: 7:48 pm"

"you turned off chat for ________ but you can still send her a message"

i tasted you in every drink i had tonight (drunk just off the thoughts of you)

they say revenge tastes sweet
but, god, jealousy is so bitter
i'm dripping onto my keys
damning amtrak
and indiana
and notre dame
and every fucking speed bump in the way
but most of all you
(especially you)
for letting me let you go
and having the audacity to lure me back in
what were your intentions?
i have wasps where my heart should be
and i don't have a metaphor,
or an allegory, to cover up
so you can put away your cover girl
and your mascara
cause this isn't poetry
this is much more than that
this is me avenging my heart
and setting out the hounds
the dog days are over baby
and i don't think you have nine lives
because you can have my mind
or my heart
but no longer will you share them
together like that
cause i can beat for you
or think about you
but i'd be scared of what runs through my mind
because i'm the kind of boy
that will finger you
or slit your throat
or both at the same time

i want to feel a little beautiful, baby

you hate places like this
surrounded alone
this love has me spitting out teeth
but i got cobwebs on my zippers
her hands are like icicles against my skin
a heart so soft like mj's speaking voice
and she
she's the kind of girl that awards cardiac arrests
police
everything you say can and will be used against you
in a court of lull
and war
but this town is broke
and i'm not talking about banks
or fixtures
it's love

molly ringwald

she's the kind of girl john hughes wrote movies about
got me stuck in tachycardia - rush hour in my veins.
(rewirethehighwaysonmyarteries)
my fear is the white blood cell that gets in the way
anti(my)body against yours
i want to revolve around you
solar flare hearts
you're far away but how nice it is to exist at the same time
miles and not minutes apart
love stray like dogs
dammit doc
you were supposed to screw my head back on right
this time
(curtain call)-
second opinion"
you got me doing chalk lines off the concrete streets
while i suffocate just share your breath with me
pluck at my heartstrings
i can be the designer and you'll be the dream

"let's get sick off each other
i want to stick onto your hair
forever, like smoke
follow you there"

From Hammerhead Fred's in Panama City Beach

she's a magnetic north kind of girl
batting her eye lashes
more like whips
burying me deep into her skin
against her coffin
so claustrophobic I'm hot boxing with her breath
I need my north star
because this compass is out of sync
and these magnetic fields
attract me towards the wrong set of lips
every time

First Day of My Life

After tonight, I don't know if I'll ever write again. My veins are full of you(th). My final thoughts are that my life ends tomorrow morning. I don't want to sleep. I don't want any single second to be wasted for the rest of my time here.

I just want you. After this, the poet dies. You were the beginning, and the end. And I'm lost without you.

xx

"Listen well, will you marry me?"