Anxiety

Its so hard to walk with those chills that crawl up your spine and tense up your knees. It's hard to move on through trying to blind away from the (pseudo) truth. I'm locked away into the deepest of thoughts and memories, the lock stuffed with papers, boarded up and set away for the rest of my days. I just don't ever want to know what happens outside of my own little bubble. I knew I was a fool but I never would've guessed that I'd be sinking as fast as I am now. The distance is exactly what everyone thought it was gonna be. I'm sick and tired and I feel the blood around my head crawl back and pour down through the rest of my body. My veins are a beautiful thing.

I'm building a castle against moonlight hoping the waves will tear it down as fast as they can. The greatest thing of life is to destroy the most beautiful thing you've accomplished. Your secrets are pouring out, and the dam of my naive and negligent mind isn't strong enough to hold back. Sometimes reality likes to crash down as the very last star in heaven. If you will, please shut the windows cause this breeze is killing me.

I wish I could just blackout everything in sight and live in perpetual darkness. I don't need to see anything; my imagination takes care of the worst case scenario. I'm a walking catch-22. I'm hung onto to your words like you hung onto my clothes, crossing lips and treading the bedsheets with as much grace and poise as a wrestler. Your skin is tender and gentle, and I just want to remember the life I've been living at some other place at some other point in time. Is everything getting better, or getting worse?

As I slip into the sea of doubt, I cross the valley of shadow of where I came from. The past that turned me into what I am, who I've been. The core of the system. The mainframe that built itself on me. I got circuits running through my body. My veins are a beautiful thing.

I hope you sit and choke on the words you will never say, and I hope they slip out with all the secrets you've been keeping. if you open that mouth, they'll all come pouring out so just keep yourself busy (with him)

I know what's going on and you can pretend you don't, but alcohol only gets you as far as the next morning. You can't hide what you "can't" remember, and you will forever come down to me as the last broken tail light back home. You are the bleeding wallpaper, fucking tearing apart and breaking down on me, opening up the vulnerability of my self. You break me apart and destroy me. You are crippling me and sending me down.

This heavy heart is sinking, led away by the mirage of what we so call love. Take me away, and let me fall asleep as this kills everything. This bottle will keep me going, and will remain as the single molecular spec of hope I have in you. I am falling asleep in the memories of you spread across the bed, in every single place where I've laid my head next to you. In every moment I've let my heart slip out.

I want a single sign of hope and love coming down my way. I want to be guided by the pumping in my chest. I couldn't come up with pretty words for this. I need to be led by this keyboard I'm nervously smashing the keys in. Give me anything, anyone, cause tonight, she's everything.