Like Father, Like Son

What's worse than to be a miserable failure after another?
Live life in love with one's self instead of some other
than you, which is what I've always loved.
My lips are tied onto words I wish I never spoke,
because they took me somewhere down under without any rope.
What's worse than to lose all of your hope?
Knowing deep inside of you, there is an underground
seeking out for the loss and the pain in sounds.
And so it begins;

Dear Dad,
It's been far too long since you've been gone,
frankly, these words may trip and may sound wrong.
I harbor too much and sink much too often
the love of my life is often wrong and
maybe you were right,
but that's a story for another time.

Dear Dad,
Things are just the same since you left,
more pain in my chest, and weight in my head
but nevertheless we've always been the sinking anchor
waiting for the full moon to cover up ahead.
Three years in your dirt bed,
Where have you gone?
I've been misled.

Dear Dad,
I haven't done this in forever, and I apologize for that
I simply feel to much pain to remember
and I can't figure out any poetics to cover
the heartbreak that you have caused.
Maybe some day I will, but I can't think I might
cause my words lack rhythm, just like my body lacks tact.

Dear Dad,
I hope you're proud, singing from above
a melody of angels
a melody of love
one for the ages, and one for the land
one for the ocean, and one so I can
sing along, and never feel out of place
so our fucked up family life
will never be the same.

Dear Dad,
The pain is the same, maybe I'm to blame,
but can people ever change?
I miss you too much, and lying on the grass
six feet above you
ringing ears like the ones around my eyes.
Lack of sleep = lack of tact
lack of simplicity under hood of their lies.
Why'd you have to go?
The wind calls out your name
but it doesn't sound the same
the pain remains and I'm pouring rain
to make your flowers grow.
Living cemetery, that's what you'll become
Flourished life,
of what once was, but now is gone.

Ears Ringing Like My Eyes

loaded guns and sinking ships
we're like burnt out cars on the city ring
burning rubber without a care at all
do you remember?
do you sit alone and wonder
to be forever in doubt
forever in pain
forever in him
these words sink into your skin
like the teeth in your kin
blood and sweat off your plastic cup
drowning is easier than it is to love
sick and distorted in midnight growls
your roses are sticking with petals on the prowl
where have you gone?

lets get sick off each other
i want to stick onto your hair
forever, like smoke, follow you there
into the dreams and hopes you left behind
when your lips crossed over to another side
are we constantly left over
or are we over since you left?
when all i feel is crimson and clover
i can't be bothered by the rest

with so much love, it's hard to feel blue
knowing deep inside of me
there's a huge part of you
look into the mirror and fall back outside
where books read forever
and we're escaping without a ride
thunderstorm and run away
and now i'm crawling my guts over
what's left of my heart inside
these words cracked my lonely cover
and i'm feeling you up alright

hate me baby
i'm a riot in start
i'm a sinking ship
with the anchor too far
down
into
your
eyes

are we ok, or will we just let this die?

Dated 2008

i found your green eyes staring at me and i sunk in.
do you know how good it feels to be blessed within?
i never thought i'd feel this way.
you are a million miles away,
but you appeal to me in so many different ways.
will you still love me when you return, will we still be the same?
texting hearts like no return,
your voice is the sweetest sound i've ever heard.
red rover red rover
i think i'm falling over you.
give me a moment or send me to bloom.

Relapse/Moan/ihavetoomanywordstodescribeyourlove

Your heart is not a grenade, it's a land mine.
Snap me out like a photograph this time
Hanging on your love or bated breath
Your love/words are more than I can take
Sleep well and see you gleam.
Moonlit love - I see you in my dreams.

Open Letter

Dear doctor,
please let me in
hospital doors flapping
like the dove's wings
give me love through the IV
or give me something to sink in
I want a love to dive in
a romantic with whom fit in
so cut me up or fix me up
it's all the same
give me medicine or just be blunt
tell me if the pain will remain
or if it will ever go away

Dear life,
I think I made a mistake
I wrote down words that I shouldn't have ever said
you can tell me I'm wrong
or just bury me away
but the truth still stands;
what's done can never be taken away
and what's with the pain anyway?
give me love or give me freedom
the polar opposites of today
I can sow a heart together
but can't seem to fix my own
I guess I probably should've known
you can't ever operate yourself
we all need someone else to take a look at our bones.

"I need a doctor"

I hate the feeling of acceptance. I hate knowing that I'm not as happy as I've been pretending. The damage is done, but the police lines haven't been wrapped around me yet. The hospital doors flap like the wings of a dove begging for release. I want to feel real again. I'm sick of this.

I hate knowing I've been painting faces on myself during the past weeks for the sake of saving face. I've been lying to myself for so long and now it's coming back to haunt me. What's the biggest pain in life? The absence of feeling real, or the real pain itself? Royal love and true pain. I'm coming up with a lack of wordplay because I just don't know what to do anymore. God never gave me a manual to handle this life. I never knew it'd be so hard. Where is the restart button? Is it next to the shut down button, or maybe they are the same. There's something about writing words that always made me feel better, but now I feel the desire the burn it down. "it's better to burn out than to fade away"

Someone give me something real, or light me the way. I need a savior. I need help. This is me sending smoke signals into the air begging for something.

I want to feel real. I want to live. Give me the cure.

Palette

velvet lips. velvet moon.
"into the black and out of the blue"
left summer in a casket and brought autumn on a gurney.
winter passed the aisle and spring read the eulogy.

and what's a midnight summer's dream anyway?
a million words wrapped and shaped with clay.
i traced the clouds back into my veins.
they pump me high and give me words to say

purple drinks and purple lace.
purple bruises with all the same names.
follow it back - trace it to the same place.
we all start where we begun and begun where we end.
if you're not killing time, you're saving it for the end.

There's Nothing Worse Than Knowing How It Ends

I'm tripping like the alcohol in your brain. I want to be set free like the booze inside your veins. I want you to swallow up my pride and to commit to my neverending cycle of return to pain because I love you so. I never though I'd feel the red fury of yourself in me, but now I do, and now I feel committed to fall in love with you. I want to sink in your hair like smoke and I want my scent to be remembered forever. I don't want anyone else to ever get between this passion of you and me. You are the fire angel of my heart and you set a thunder storm of thought concerning whether or not if I should actually move and mobilize or not. You spark the fire in my heart.

You are the single consuming thought in my head right now. You are like the pen in hand, so smooth and loving corroding all the pain and singlehandedly starting a love inside my heart.

"And your love kickstarts again"