Take Two - Take a Blue and it'll feel OK.

I want to get high off the four-letter word that drives through my brain. I guess I just simply misunderstood everything you said as something more. I never know how to be me anymore. I want you to scream at me and to float into outer space; to be caught in the mainframe of the supercomputer computing my every step. Your shirts are pressed and labeled to the bone, and your smile is just an anchor free from the storm. I hate feeling so apathetically afloat. I'm sick of wasting my time writing about you.

And what's to be done of a heart that has lost it's tact? Seven broken mirrors that just feed the black cat. Bad luck doesn't only follow me, but it loves to bite my ass. A candle lit up a part of me I forgot I had, and I never felt so scared to be a passing fad. Tell me you'll love me when you forget about my past. I know I messed up, but this is an opportunity that I just can't pass up anymore. I'm feeling tired and sore from all the winding and unwinding that takes place during your storm. You are my hurricane, spinning around my thousands of little words. You make me feel weak inside and you turn up the fear. And so, I devised a plan that will set your tears around my throat. I'll disappear and you'll never know, no one will ever know, if I'll reappear again.

bluepillscallmynamelikethesullensongsaswanwouldsing

Thank you for everything and for setting off these words like bullet trains running at Godspeed. These are my famous last words, and if anyone ever finds them, I hope that they'll never go to waste.

This is goodbye
This is the end

And she said "Nothing comes to my mind either"

I'm more than the desperation of a relapse
Happiness waves through my body
into my mind, lying to me
I'm fine
Pivot and shoot into me
a hoop of dreams and
a safe zone of misery
Baby teeth won't ever grow
you're a memory carved into stone.

What's worse than to fall apart?
To sink and watch yourself die from above
Storm into the room and forget the protection
A million words and a gun
Ammunition holds you close
It creates all the tension

Baby give me a lighter
give me a fight
give me some drinks
and turn off the lights
ease the nerves and set off the night
Tonight, we come back to life

There is nothing worse than to see you build up
only to then turn away
tonight I'm burning you
tonight I'm painting you grey
Sit outside my window
and paint the road that leads the way out
drive me into hell
but don't dare forget about
bread crumbs so I'll take it all back with me

You're never alone
The real demons are here.

"I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me"

I'm twisting and turning and now I know what it feels like to be a sinking ship. The first step is always acceptance, and so I accepted I needed you to be the better part of me. We're split ends tearing off the seams. I slip into your dreams and I'm gently caressed by sweet indifference that so lovingly deals with me carelessly. I'm a high tide. I'm a sinking ship.

I wonder how long it must take to cauterize every remainder of you in my heart. The bruises sink into me like anchors and your eyes are wide enough for me to swim comfortably. I'm loving just how bittersweet this is. I hope someday you'll miss me, but until then I'll satisfy myself with lying to my brain. If living is just a lie, then dreaming is my pride. I could be an attempt for your bottles and lips to give a try, again. Maybe I'm not sane, but who's to judge that anyway? This self-inflicting pain only gives myself away. I've learned to give up the harshest part of your heart. The one that you let loose and fell in love with the stars. Break the press and snap yourself weightless. The flashing lights get into your head. The love you lead is not permanent. Nothing ever will be.

I only serve myself in a silver platter to be fed to the wolves. I need to relive their hunger and my mind is composed of wool. Tricky, tricky. Nothing is ever as it seems, and undoubtedly there is nothing worse than for the end to be the opposite of what you dreamed. False inspiration and high tide hopes. Sweet water hearts sinking like a ship getting torn apart in a storm. Let loose and let me in. I want to be your original sin. Give me holy water, for I want to be blessed. The outline of my heart is made out of tin. A galaxy of lights in your bedroom. High heels and classy black dresses decorate the floor. I'm marking my path for embracing hands carved out of stone. I'm never OK. I never will be. I'll be the last dead man walking to grace your room. C'est la vie.

Change of Heart

It's amazing how one mere picture can change it all. From being the epitome of the lyrics to Bruno Mars' "Grenade" to lacking any thing to say, I guess I've slipped down the charts. I laid the words on the billboard of your back and wrapped my heart onto it.

Don't lie (down), or you'll break the remainder of it.

Thursday Night

It seems like we're building a wall of our sinking lies, truth on the statement and gentle sighs.
I'm a sinking ship with a God complex of reigning the ocean
I'm a gun loaded without a bullet at hand,
like a million red candles in the sky.

I know that my heart is lying
when lately it feels like
we're a mirror of what
everyone said we'd become

prove me wrong

i want to know that you disagree
that you genuinely see the end of the thread
i think it could be a friend
one of those that sink in the sea
and crawl out of bed

give me a mirror to crack
to set off another chain of bad luck
i'm a lost melody
stuck inside your brain
i'm faded glory
i'm a cracking chain

burlesque legs wrap around my head
a million thoughts but a tornado of wounds instead
snapping mirrors by time's end
a concrete loss of love that will erase what you said
we're selling streets to wall street
we're buying blocks from the dead
grams of a million lies
all the ones you said

will i ever be redeemed of any moment of deception
the loss of correlation
in the events that i have caused?
a room less than you thought
a million fireflies in a falling rot
the leftover of an item that once gave so much love
and life and all in between
what's the truth
if we're all just sinking in between?

i'm far too many drinks into my thought
my best friend gave me an absolut(e) thought
the alcohol in my veins
is only a mirror
of the thoughts
rushing
through
my
head.

Elm

The morphine will suit you well
crawling down your skin and your stairs
can you believe that everything we've seen
has just as easily been deceived?

Lights
I can't fight
the urge tonight
they shine so bright
screams of hopeless
Are you watching closely?
Magicians never reveal the trick
or they become no one
I only want to be someone
Cracks in cement
like your tears in the rain
fight away
I'm OK

Tell me you love me
I want you (to[o])
Come alive
Count around
the fires dance
They call out for your romance
we fold into ice and cards
ace of hearts
miracle worker of the morse code night
street lights flicker a message in sight
1, 2, i'm coming for you

I can't wait to meet you again.

Heaven Sent

Naturally reminded
firework timing
like the perfect lullaby
explosions in the sky
tragically romantic
love like the frantic (I am)
your words on the backseat
bounce in my brain
tell me all of your secrets
let them wash with the rain

The moment we accept
we let loose a storm
the concrete cries tonight
like your glistening eyes - I'm born

Fistfight in the dark
is it out of the blue,
if our eyes are red in sight?
And the bark of the trees
I carved so eloquently
The'll fall over before you get a chance
to see what I wrote at all

My day has come and passed
I'm gray in looks
and dull inside
Give me your hand in dance
the rocking reminder
of a careless past.

Let heaven know I'm coming soon
Praying for a tax reduction of my mistakes
Early ends with early blooms
The Devil taught me how to sing the blues.

Final Call

"I must not let this get to my head" I repeat to myself over and over again. These words will carve out the remainder of what I feel for you and let them loose on the tubes. These are search dogs, hunting for any hope to come back starved. This is truly the beginning of the end. Maybe there is no hope at the end of the rope. I'm hanging on to your words like a noose for my head. Your heart warms up the inside of my bed. I'm crawling into the dreamscape of my heartache hoping to find vindication, but all I will ever feel is the absence of motivation and my broken heart.

It's not about the feeling anymore, it's about the lack of. It's about my resentment growing higher and my desire to shove these hollow words back down your throat. Give me something to break. I want to drown the whole world. I want to break a million mirrors and pray for bad luck. I feel like a sinking ship without an anchor. I feel hopeless. I feel needless.

These images don't make sense, just like any of your words. Maybe I should stop to try again, but I'd be fed to the wolves. Everyone has it wrong. When will you realize that your heartless lover will never care enough for your heart itself? He doesn't care, and soon enough I won't either.

Who am I kidding? This is my curse. This is my sentence. This is the time I'll serve, forever folding into the cards you laid down. Thunder struck my brain and laid over the most eloquent and calculated plan to build - and then break your heart. I hate how honest you've been. Your words will hang my head. I only want to sink into your eyes and drown in miserable ignorance - but ignorance is bliss, as they always say. The poet comes to life to let you know that you've broken his heart and let him down. It's over now, and he was ready to give in his life on the ground for you. I was ready to give anything up for you.

I want to hate you and never see you again. I want to forget you and never feel this pain. I don't ever want to know things got this way. I don't ever want to know I felt the same.

Woe

I spent most of Friday afternoon attempting to figure out how to reach out to you. A year ago then our hearts melted into each other and we carefully edged our pieces together. We squeezed onto our memories and our subtleties, with matching space fit for us. We spent our days laying with words that carefully traversed your mind and snatched your heart. Little by little, the string slowly brought you in closer. The more I did, the more you were afraid. You never wanted this. You never wanted to love me this much.

But as is with everything in the world, eventually the roles were changed. You said this was a curse for you, so now I assume this is a curse for me. I've spent my days scribbling words coldly calculated to bring you back. You are the anchor that sinks me into the depths of an underwater love, where I lose all my breath and my conscience sinks deeper than my heart. I am sorry - my morality seems to have gone missing. Maybe I misplaced it next to your lips and my pillowcase.

I don't want to remain hung over you. You run into another's arms and blow kisses for the fiends. Could you have any more luck? The lucrative look you give will always get you another man when you choose to. Why can't I seem to let go? These words are the ones that you'll never know.

If I could only begin to forget you, then maybe I'd forget your eyes, wide and brown, constantly glistening even in pure daylight. Your walk with grace, with lack of care of the superficial, not worrysome at all. You've got character, and that won't ever be replaced. Your smile that shows genuine care and love, with your cheeks gently rolling up together like waves against the sand. You slowly tilt your head to a side and your hair swings by like silk curtains caressed by a gentle wind. Your hands entangled with mine were more than any word you could come up with to tell me that right there, laying your head on my shoulder, was where you wanted to be. Pace up the view and light a smoke to finally see the heart that is burning up for you. I got stains in my heart like cigarette burns and a pain that rushes through like a brick against my spine, dislocating every joint to leave me paralyzed at your knees.

I feel overwhelmed by your being, and it frightens me. How can it be that someone can be so masochistic that they just can't ever seem to let go the one thing that single handedly destroys them from the inside? My irony and my sarcasm won't ever journey out too well out of this. I am a hidden potential down your throat. I am the tip of your tongue. I am the words you wish you never said at all. I am every word you ever spoke, every single lie you have ever said, but I love it anyway. I am every word you want to say, every false step that takes you to the right direction. I am irony. I am the end - but always, for you, I am the beginning.

Avast

Brainstorm in head
Relapse and relapse and reboot
When every word you've said
Gets you closer to the sinking loot
Are we getting closer or just falling apart
to your memories and our crashing cars
Motor heads in our hearts
We're diving into love and trading cards
I never knew how to react
In fact, i never knew how to be me at all
These words fall in composure
(How can you always be so sure?)
and we're losing our tact
Broken mirrors and windows
and the concrete with the cracks
When it rains then it's over
and i've been swimming ever since
Let me in and stop me from breaking my own heart.

Love Eclipse

God knows that I've tried to give up on holding on. I've always been the kind to have panic attacks and control issues when things don't go my way, but what I have learned with you is that holding on can take away more than letting go could. My attempts at fixing the smudges and mere mistakes only land on greater tragedies - my fear only drives me insane, leading to me recklessly trying to pick up the pieces of the ruin I made. I spread myself too thing in an attempt to reach to you in every possible way, but in doing so, I can't ever seem to be strong enough in any area to be able to impress in any way. If only your wide eyes could lead me out of this abyss of misery that I'm chained to, then I could be free.

I want to set the Earth on fire to see everyone burn like my heart. I want to pull down the sky and smother myself in the sweet scent of autumn clouds. I want to illuminate the stars themselves to bring them over to you, so you can pick your personal favorite, because you are a star to me. I want to hang it so high in the sky that no matter where you are, you'll know that it's yours, and that like the star is forever in the sky, you're forever in my heart.

With every gentle stroke of the cigarette against my lips and into my lungs, the smog gently caresses me as my mind races while you're gently moving along in your blissful ignorance. Do you think you'll ever realize the importance of your being in my life? It's been two months since I've been let go, but I can't let you slip away. You yourself asked me not to ever let you go.

Why did you slip so far away when I still see you in my dreams? Possessing my heart and stitching together wounds with your flaring and brilliant smile - a gentle but loving motion casually directed at me, but forever taking a toll in my heart.